just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
