I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
