dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
