he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
