you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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