you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
