I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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