The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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