I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
