Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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