I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
