i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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