watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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