my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
