Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
