thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My feet surprised me
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