literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
