so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
