We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
