i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
