As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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