I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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