I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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