I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
