Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
