I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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