I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
