It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I look better un-naked...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
