She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
