I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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