Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
