Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Two words: blizzard sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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