Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
