Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
vagina is talking i cant
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
