I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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