It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
