I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
