if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
