Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Couch. On fire.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
