Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
