Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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