So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
