It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I currently don't understand fingers.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
