the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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