I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
