Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
