what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
