I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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