I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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