so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
