Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
