Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
