I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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