you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
