Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
