I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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